


Empirio Criticism

by AkaiShinda (Ayleid)



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bad Jokes, Drabble, F/M, Strategy & Tactics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 12:24:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3569588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayleid/pseuds/AkaiShinda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A half-minded joke from Cullen during a strategic meeting results in the Inquisitor having a hard time hiding her laughter. Her imagination catches on the image and it's inevitable, they have to drag the meeting to a halt. Cullen embraces the situation in his own way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Empirio Criticism

There's been this long planning and gossiping meeting in the war room, taking all accounts into consideration. Reputation, rumours, prestige, cultural accounts, the sanctity of certain areas to station or not to station troops, to move units here and there...

 The Inquisitor drew a chair to the table quite some time ago and listened while sitting by the huge table. On the opposite side and turning pages to look for the right passage, Josephine tsk'd a few times to agree with Leliana's point.

 "It's not going to work if you continue to assume this about the entire scheme," she noted.

 A short yet deep hum from the Commander answered came as reply, the man folding his arms in consideration. "I would assume other things, if I had a different experience."

As expected, his answer would not suffice for any of the ladies present; Josephine merely gave another ‘tsk’ while Leliana shifted her weight to her heels and entwined her fingers at her lower back. Trevelyan resisted an eye-roll at the lecture about to come.

 "In comparison, it is the same as the common stereotype for Tevinter, Commander. Just as Dorian put it, not all Tevene are magisters or mages at all. Some live their simple and easy lives like all other people of the world."

 "Simple and easy life? Now that'd be an insult to any Orlesian."

 "There's no need to hold onto that image of Fereldans either, am I right?"

 "Please, you two..." Josephine cleared her throat in the most lady-like manner the Inquisitor ever heard possible. She even pouted, and Trevelyan tugged her own lips downwards in the sudden urge to sulk. She'd never produced such tender and soft cough of her own, right? Nobility be damned, some were just… born to be like Josephine. No one could teach that.

 "Their only request is to keep it all quiet and refrain from barging in anyone's door, that is. Without providing the exact location out of caution, they've informed us that a certain Viscount's wife is residing there in the area, heavy with a child. She is easily unnerved these days, and the movements of our troops could upset her easily, that is why they request us to use another passage."

 And so it went on. Another way, another valley, no that passage is beyond repair, turn around, turn left.... and all the while, the conversation kept rolling about Orlesians and their... babies.

 "Ah, Maker. I'd wager only if a noble babe's first words were 'empirio-criticism', would be the only guarantee for a successful Orlesian life."

 That was quite an image.

Trevelyan raised an eyebrow from behind her arms, providing great cover to (poorly) hide her boredom. Her mind quickly got away from the old parched map of Thedas and its mouldy smell to a fine Orlesian crib and its chubby resident covered in fine silks, milky and soft skin all pudgy with the baby fat. Oh, and the baby's scent, the innocence and bright eyes shining up in delight... she imagined him gurgling happily, the sentiment drew a languid smile on her lips.

"Em... em..." oh, she grew so excited. She could hear it clearly in her mind. The first word? People in those ridiculous but strangely enticing masques begin gathering around.

 Is it...? Is it the first attempt?

"Em... em..."

Almost! Oh, the suspense had her take a sharp breath!

"Empirio criticism!"

She snorted but bit her lower lip to stay quiet. She could feel her entire body tremble, her lips following suit yet aching from her own teeth, in the poor attempt to quiet her giggling. The high-pitched squeak got through though, making it even harder to hide the growing shake of her chest. Her entire body flexed, knees tightly shut and toes curled, keep it down! she told herself. She couldn’t just burst out laughing, she couldn’t interrupt a strategic session…

The image of the Orlesian infant kicked itself into her mind again, and now her shoulders were shaking from the withheld laughter. Somehow the painful, awkward silence in the room became apparent, but that only intensified the baby-voice’s chant and the image of the crib with the Orlesian nobles. She vaguely registered a gentle voice asking if she was alright, but her mind couldn’t even form a coherent answer.

Orlesian babies covered in silks, surrounded gilded toys and pompous people, cheering. Oh, the relief. Thank the Maker, it _was_ empirio-criticism.

She lipsed the word silently and swat her loosely held fist on the table. It hurt her own lungs but she couldn't laugh out loud, it was too hard to contain as it was, hearing the complex word from a baby's mouth over and over again in her mind.

"She lost it?”

"Empirio criticism," she all but squeaked before finally laughing out loud and let her head lie on the war table with the undignified thud of her forehead. Her arms fell to the side from the shake of her shoulders and for a moment she lost her balance, only to hold on the war table firmly and stabilize herself on the chair. "If it would be dog... and cheese.... it'd be a Fereldan noble, right?"

Leliana chuckled at the image as well, her mind jumping to Alistair in less than a second, "most possible, my lady."

As much as of a surprise as her intervention was, Josephine let a gentle chuckle escape her lips as she took the sight of the Inquisitor in. She was hunched in the chair and on the war table, suddenly breathless and exhausted from all the laughing she just had, over a half-minded joke Cullen made without paying any notice to it. She shot a curious and questioning look at the Commander whom she found speechless for the moment... The man stood and couldn't gather his thoughts, backtracking into exactly what he said and when, in what circumstances? but more importantly...

"Perhaps we should take a break," suggested the spymaster with a knowing look at the Commander before glancing at Josie with a playful sparkle in her eyes. Of course she understood.

"I'm so sorry! I'm fine, I just... need a glass of water maybe, Maker..." the Inquisitor cleared her throat but had to turn to the side from another fit of genuine, amused laughter. "It's just so funny, why, I can't get it out of my mind!"

 

Cullen registered his own hand and fingers brushing at his nape. Was this really happening? Just like that, out of the blue?

She laughed at his joke. He didn't even pay attention, he made a joke and she laughed at it. She... Maker, she can't stop laughing from his joke! She likes his humour? Does it mean she thinks he is funny man? She laughed at his joke! And they have to have a break because of her…. him.

His heart swelled from the sudden wave of pride filling his entire body from his toes to the top of his head. He made a good joke which she found funny and he didn't even try hard! It just slipped into the conversation after all, and he made her laugh. He made her have a delightful, happy moment in all this chaos and uncertainty.

It must have been a sign of the Maker, since when their gazes met and Trevelyan's exhausted eyes glistened with tears of joy, Cullen smiled and let a low, hearty chuckle escape his lips while - maybe to distract himself - he grabbed the nape of his neck. In return her gaze held tenderness and cherish.

Yes, definitely. A sign from the Maker.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't write anything in English since last summer. Have mercy on me. I enjoyed writing this so much, I thought I'd share it with you.  
> Special thanks to blustersquall and misha-chan!


End file.
